‘You’re either up or down never in the middle!’ 💭

overthinkingWhen I was in late teens, my mam used to always say to me, ‘You’re either really high, or really low never happy in the middle’… never quite understood what she meant by this, but I used turn around and give her a look and say ‘Yes I am happy, what you talking about?’  Actually she was right, like many things in my life… I’ve always been lost in my thoughts, always thinking, always overthinking and I used to worry a hell of a lot about what people thought of me.  I would consider myself to be  a ‘canny lass’, I certainly don’t judge a book by it’s cover, or judge people by the way they look or how much money they may have, at the end of the day, good for you…. if you’re nice to me, then I’m nice to you. I can’t stand people who are nice to you one minute then cold the next, you either say hello and mean it or just don’t bother!

Back in my early twenties I was very unsettled, I thought going to work abroad somewhere was the best idea ever, and everytime I went on girly holidays, I didn’t want to come back! In 2003, I flew off to Portugal… returning 1 week later, with my tail between my legs.  The job in Portugal was doing  ‘timeshare’ and it just wasn’t for me, I can’t sell, I don’t have the patter.  So I pretended to be ill for the week and sat out in the sun instead, only realising that I should actually return home, when I knew I wasn’t making any money!  That was one very expensive week (thanks again for the send-off girls, hope I did you proud!).  Work wise I did a lot of temping jobs, until I found a great job working in recruitment, which I loved and was there for 7 years… but I was sadly made redundant after they moved their admin to India.  After that I had a few more temping jobs, and then was employed by the NHS, part-time job until we moved down to Wetherby.

When we moved down to Wetherby, I was lucky enough to be a ‘stay at home’ mum and look after the kids until they were both at school.  When that time came, I knew I would have to start looking for a job again.  I didn’t actually think I would go back into admin, as I had been working in offices since I was 16.  I really wanted a complete change… but I didn’t know what to do.  I knew I had to find term-time work only as I don’t have any childcare in Wetherby.  Whilst my son was still in nursery, I decided to do a ‘Teaching Assistant’ course, which I really enjoyed doing.  Presently though I’ve gone back into admin and the job I’m currently in is perfect for me and my little family right now.

So getting back to trying to be ‘in the middle’, I can honestly say that I’m finally settled and I’m in a good place right now.  I still have the occasional low moment (don’t we all), but then I focus on my kids and family and what’s really important to me.

I know myself better than anyone (well maybe my mam too….), and I wouldn’t change anything about myself………well maybe just a few things!


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